Lower Your Expectations
Discussion Questions
- It would be awesome if marriage were easy! The truth is, at one time or another, we all experience disappointments, frustrations, and hurt in marriage. Unmet expectations over time lead to anger. Anger over time leads to bitterness and resentment. Proverbs 13:12 refers to this as a “sick heart”. To what extent are past experiences and disappointments contributing to a “sick heart” today?
- How often do you think to yourself, “if only he/she would , then I would .”? What’s stopping you from “going first” and loving your spouse anyway?
- According to James 1:19-20, anger does not lead to the righteousness that God desires. How do you typically respond when your expectations go unmet? Anger? Bitterness? Quiet resentment? What is the result of your response? Arguments? Shutting Down? Withholding love/affection?
- Consider the deepest longings in your life. Consider your innate need for significance, purpose, acceptance, belonging, unconditional love and forgiveness. These needs are spiritual needs that can only be met fully by God. In what ways do you expect your spouse to meet these spiritual needs that he or she is not capable of fully meeting?
- “The secret to a happy marriage is low expectations.” What do you think of this? Is it true? Or should we have high expectations of our spouse? How should our expectations of our spouse compare with the expectations we should have of God?
- Here are some sobering truths to consider that impact our marriage expectations:
• We live in a broken, self-seeking world.
• We are selfish people marrying selfish people.
• The Good News is that Jesus didn’t leave us alone in our selfishness “to figure it out” on our own. We don’t have to hide in shame or fight alone for our marriage. Hope is available now.
• A day is coming when Jesus will return to redeem all that is broken and make all
things new. - What are some of the areas of your marriage that your expectations do not line up with your spouse’s?
- What do you think are some best practices to communicating expectations to your spouse in a healthy way?
- What are some not so healthy practices to communicating expectations?
Remember to stay in your circle!
1-on-1 Conversation Starter
• Schedule a time this week where you can have an uninterrupted conversation with your spouse.
• Ask your spouse to share something he or she hopes to accomplish this year.
Challenge for the Week
• Together, read Matthew 7:24 and James 1:19-20. In humility, with the circle drawn around yourself ask your spouse to share with you one area in which you are meeting and/or exceeding his or her expectations and one area in which he or she feel sadness, disappointment, frustration or anger. When listening to your spouse, do not defend yourself or rebut, but rather, give thanks for their honesty. Try to meet his or her specific need in a practical way this week.