When Things Turn Toxic
Discussion Questions
- We have all been guilty of dishonoring our spouse with our words. Without pointing the finger at your spouse, what are the times/circumstances in your marriage when you are most often guilty of this?
- Stress is a harmful thing to relationships. We are more likely to dishonor our spouses in times of stress. What are some of the biggest stressors in your life currently that might be leading to negative communication patterns with your spouse? What practical steps could you take this week to relieve those stressors?
- Modern secular research shows a direct correlation between the positive/negative ratio of communication and the overall stability of marriage. The healthiest and most stable marriages display 5:1 positive to negative communication! What is your ratio toward your spouse? Why is it difficult to give your spouse more praise?
- If there was ever a person we don’t deserve to receive honor from, it’s Jesus. How does Jesus honor us even though we don’t deserve it?
- Can you remember a time when your spouse complimented or praised you in front of others? What did he or she say and how did it make you feel? Can’t come up with anything? See the next question.
- No matter what your answer was to the previous question, take a couple minutes to write down three qualities about your spouse that made you fall in love with him or her. This is an opportunity to practice what you’re learning. Share one of these qualities about your spouse to your Marriage Circles group.
1-on-1 Conversation Starter
• Add to the list you of qualities that made you fall in love with your spouse. Include ways you’ve seen him or her grow since the day you met. Write them down… make the list as long as you can! Find a distraction free time this week to exchange these lists with each other.
Challenge for the Week
• Confess to your spouse that you have not been as honoring as you could be with your words. Don’t make any excuse as you confess this. And don’t accept, “That’s OK” as a response. It isn’t OK! Rather, tell your spouse how you plan to change moving forward and in humility, ask, “do you forgive me?”
• Endeavor to go the entire week saying nothing negative about your spouse. If (when) you mess up, confess your shortcoming to God, accept His grace, and ask Him to strengthen you as you try again.
Extra Credit: At some point this week, brag on your spouse in front of others. (i.e.,
co-worker, waiter, your children, small group, etc.)