More than Sex
Discussion Questions
- Sex is a part of intimacy in marriage. However, intimacy is more than just sex. What is a more complete definition of intimacy?
- How would you describe your emotional intimacy with your spouse?
- How would you describe your spiritual intimacy with your spouse? What connection is there to spiritual intimacy and sex?
- In what ways/shared activities (think beyond sex here!) do you feel most connected to your spouse? When do you laugh together the most? What are the times in your marriage when you’re having the most fun?
- In most marriages, sex drives do not line up. It is not a sin to have a high sex drive and it is not a sin to have a low sex drive. It’s how we behave that may cause us to sin against our spouses. Drawing the circle around yourself, how do you most often respond when your expectations of sex are not met?
- What would be a healthy way to communicate your expectations with your spouse when it comes to sex? (refer to both 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 and 1 Corinthians 13:5). Is there a chance you’re over-emphasizing sex or underemphasizing it?
- With the “circle around yourself”, in what ways are you neglecting emotional and spiritual intimacy with your spouse that is leading to a lack of physical intimacy?
How are you doing with each of the following:
a. Too much time/energy at work
b. Too much time/energy with kids
c. Too much time/energy with hobbies/sports
d. Too much time/energy in front of a phone/computer/tv
e. Too much time/energy with other friends - What are some practical suggestions for how you can move toward emotional and spiritual intimacy in light of the list from Question 7?
- There is incredible freedom to enjoy physical intimacy exclusively with your spouse. God wants you to enjoy amazing sex with your spouse! However, as soon as anyone else is introduced visually (including pornography), physically (affair), emotionally (not all affairs are physical), or mentally (fantasizing of others sexually), that intimacy is destroyed. If any of these intimacy killers exist in your marriage, where can you turn for help?
1-on-1 Conversation Starter
Find a time this week to ask your spouse the following questions. Do not make demands or assign blame (see 1 Corinthians 13:5), but rather seek to understand your spouse and put his or her needs before your own.
-How did you feel loved by me this past week?
-What can I do to deepen our emotional intimacy?
-What next step can we take to deepen our spiritual intimacy?
-In what ways could I enhance our physical intimacy?
Challenge for the Week
• Ask your spouse which area is the most difficult for the two of you to
experience closeness: relational, spiritual or sexual? Without arguing,
defending yourself, or commenting on his or her response, ask them what
they feel might be a hurdle in this particular area of closeness. Seek to
understand, not to “win an argument”. Be mindful that age and health
may be factors!
○ What next steps do you think God is nudging you to take so you can
address this issue and enhance your intimacy together?
• “Mandatory” assignment #1: Plan a date where you can build emotional
intimacy by: 1. Laughing together 2. Affirming each other.
Ex: “You are great at…” “I appreciate how you…”
• “Mandatory” assignment #2: Agree to circle a day on the calendar where
you can both look forward to sex! Agree in advance how you will avoid
the “normal routine.” Leading up to that day, build anticipation and
emotional and spiritual intimacy by flirting, laughing together, reading
God’s word together, praying together and serving each other in practical
ways. Have fun!