Category: Parenting

Your kids need you. But they don’t need the same ‘you’ when they’re 10 that they did when they were 5. Or the same ‘you’ when they’re 16 that they did when they were 12.  

Your kid is going to grow up with or with out your permission. My wife and I want our little ones to stay little forever, but that’s not the case. And if we always see them as our little kids who always wanted cuddles when they got hurt, or who needed help walking into school, then we are actually doing them a disservice.

They are going to enter the real world. There will be a day where they will leave the protection and safety of being at home and around other like-minded people and enter into the world full of pressures, temptations, bad influences, and so many other things out of our control.

They are going to grow up. So, we can decide as they move from phase to phase—to either be an asset or a hindrance. When I say the word ‘phase’, I mean a timeframe in a kid’s life when we as parents can leverage distinct opportunities to influence their future. We will get into these in just a minute, but like I said a minute ago, there really is no middle-ground. If you can say that you aren’t being a hindrance, but definitely not an asset, then you’re being a hindrance.  

Now, what are these phases that I referenced a moment ago? For our purposes, there are 5 main phases: Overview of the roles through phases mixed with what kids need 

• Birth Through Toddler 
• The pre school years
• The elementary-age years
• The dreaded Middle School years
• And finally, the High School years

In each of these phases, our children are going through changes, development, and are experience felt-needs that are unique to where they are. Let’s take a deeper dive into these phases.

Over the years working with teenagers and their parents, there is one consistent thing I have heard—and it’s something along the lines of:

• “It’s like overnight, I had a different kid”
• “my son / daughter is hanging out with the wrong crowd and I’m not sure what to do”
• “they don’t seem to listen to me any more. Anything I do is a fight.”

The list goes on… but the sentiment is the same. When our kids are moving into and through the teenage years, it seems like our influence in their lives is diminishing. But that doesn’t necessarily have to be the case.

In this series, we will look at the reasons why our teenagers seem to be pulling away, and some tips and strategies for keeping our influence in their lives—even if it looks different than we thought it would.

Thanks for joining us for this journey—and remember, no matter what is going on at home, you are not doing as bad as you think you are.